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Lost pages of my Note-Book

The Quiet Speaker

Moved on

My favorite distraction and my worst daydream,

You managed to hurt me down for way too deep.

I will never get to know,

How can u still haunt me at nights?

When I convince myself all day long,

That it’s been way too long and you’ve moved on,

And now she’s a past and that you were left far behind.

I guess that’s where your magic lies,

Hunting me down so deep in the forest;

Of my own world,

Where sun hasn’t touched ground in decades;

Wounding my bare heart with your love,

That it will burn the forest of self worth down,

Burning each last bit of being original me,

And turning into ash that followed you out of this messed up and burnt forest.

Of all the greatest mysteries,

You will remain my favorite one,

Asking myself every time a star sparks,

How did you manage to make me fall so hard for you?

How did I survive the fall?

But it doesn’t matter now, does it?

When you’re so happy that I am afraid to come near you,

When I have stayed in darkness so long,

The sparks of your eyes will blind me again.

Maybe I will just walk away and won’t turn around,

And will pretend to be the strong guy who’s on his own.

But hey, I’ve moved on,

So what if sometimes my heart aches when I hear your name,

I’ve moved on,

Maybe in some years I will forget how you even look,

Maybe tomorrow I will forget the way you smiled,

When first time you held my hand,

So what, if for now,

I remember how your eyes used to light up after meeting me.

I promise I will forget it,

Maybe tomorrow, maybe in coming years,

Maybe I will find someone to share all those moments again,

Maybe she will also hate me later,

Like the way you feel now,

But right now all that matters is,

I’ve moved on.

I apologize,

I will be bothering you with my words,

Every time I feel my heart skipping beat,

Over all those memories that we’ve had,

Till I move on.

But hey, I’ve moved on. 🙂

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Featured post

Lie*

lie

Lie,

A beautiful thing that can bring a smile.

Lie,

A word that can brighten up my eyes.

Lie,

‘Coz it reminds me of love and bliss.

Lie,

‘Coz I am used to it.

Lie,

‘Coz that’s the only truth.

 

Those late nights early morning talk,

At 3A.M. when it was time for ghost souls to take a walk.

When you used to tell me a sweet lie,

That you will not give up on me, will stay by my side.

And I used to believe them all that you say,

And stick that smile on my lips for whole next day.

 

Take me again to place I used to be,

Where I used to believe that you and me,

Will remain forever, even though it was a lie,

It has that power to keep my soul alive.

This truth is hurting me, killing inside.

And it feels like am stabbed with a sharp edged knife.

 

Lie to me,

‘Coz I believe each love words said by thee.

Lie,

‘Coz it has beautiful rhyme in it.

Lie,

‘Coz it has all the promises, even though fake,

Lie,

‘Coz I am used to it.

Lie,

‘Coz that’s the only truth.

Featured post

The battle

Searching peace amidst the chaos,

And setting fire to his world,

Holding bridge for her to cross it safe,

And burning it from other end.

Stretching hands for her to hold it once,

And then pushing​ her miles away.

Screaming loud for the love of her,

And cutting his throat to make no sound.

Destructive war of heart and mind,

And pushing her away to keep her safe.

Apology

Łukasz Kowalewski_Sketch_akZiSA

Those fake words that I spoke,

Trust me I meant all those.

When I said you’re my life,

I mean it whether dead or alive.

I love you my heart can’t explain how much,

I fell completely fine with your one touch.

Et tu thought I don’t love you,

I do much more than you feel me to.

I mistreated you out of every second,

I was a devil and now am a monster vacant,

No changes from past a year,

Just hurt you twice thousand more my dear.

I lost all feeling and respect from your heart,

That was not your mistake, consequences to hurt.

I probably was just so bad,

I deserve this pain, even more than that.

About three thousand chances that I took,

In three hundred days at past when I look.

Saw no changes in devil’s act,

As same as I was in thorny pack.

You always loved me more than you,

What I returned was thorny dew.

Unintentionally I hurt you a lot,

Like you my enemy that you’re not.

You tolerated me to an extreme level you did,

Even if I get on my knees and bleed, I can’t repay it…..

 

Insanity…

dark-love-wallpapers-8199-hd-wallpapers

It was late that night,

He couldn’t help but remember himself.

The way he used to be,

The way he used to see,

This world from some other eye,

Now he can see all the angels cry.

 

He was there but not anymore,

People can see him but no one knows,

He isn’t the person they are meeting,

He isn’t the one they are looking for,

He is a soldier in the middle of war,

Heart seems winning, brain losing its throne.

 

Search for him in the crowd of fake,

Curse him as long as he can take,

He can take all the blames,

Just shout out his name,

Maybe he forgot to put on the mask,

Maybe for some more scars, she had asked.

 

He must have gone to the same old desert,

Where rains flood the land and flowers love to burn.

Thorns wait at the entrance,

Beneath those bed of rose,

He knew it will hurt,

Still that was the way he chose.

 

Now all he does is walk through and gift her joy,

Of the scars he has and the wounds as teddy toy.             

All she does is decorate the same,

In a place where he hides his memories,

And hugs the pain,

Watching his past freeze, smiling as insane.

 

PS: Dear followers, Sorry for being little inactive. :/  Will try to be active now as much as possible.

PS2: Wrote this few months ago.

Happy New Year *

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Numbers have changed on his calendar pages,
And all the possible ways along,
Seems like he was waiting since ages,
To wake up and write a new song.

Thorns and roses were spread away,
Watching for his feet to bleed,
This new path may served him with glassy way,
But shattered one wasn’t one on to breathe.

Reminded his memories to few minutes ago,
Got back to yesterday,
Where he thought his happiness glows,
And here he is;in a new day.

Took a ride one year back in his mind,
Found the difference between both new year’s eve,
That day was so special and kind,
With someone special holding his sleeve.

This time no one ain’t coming to him,
To hold and wish this day,
Just some numbers have changed;
What’s the difference does that make?

He wanted to call and wish her first,
And wish her the best year ahead,
Afraid of his emotions to get burst,
He allowed his thoughts to be dead.

He prayed for her and striked his pen,
Her initials were engraved over the notes,
By the splashing of ink over the pages,
With teary smile he continued writing quotes.

———-
PS: Happy new year dear readers…i hope this year to be best for you all.. Have a great time ahead..enjoy as much as you can…:):)

PS1:  wrote it last night…forgot to post..:|

Infinite* :

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I know its been like infinite days,
To hear your laugh,
To see u smile,
To hold your hand,
Or to call u mine…

Days passed..months…nights screamed
Dawns chirped ,
Dusks took deep breaths.
Those breaths couldn’t delay the dark..

Followed with empty stars,
Constellation and the scars,
Engraved in sky near the shadowed moon,
Enough to guide you away from me…

Opposite road, a smooth path,
Was easy for you to choose,
You saw the light rising,
You saw the bright side there,

You forgot that i collected stars,
Without my reach to them,
Burned my hands while i held first,
Still laid thousands in front of you….

You didn’t realised the reason,
Why there was darkness behind my back,
I snatched all the lights and gifted to you,
Till you smiled and tore me away…

Nightmares that shows beautiful dreams,
Scared that none will come true,
You will keep walking and me waiting,
Till my bones rusts and falls in queue..

Here i stay holding my breath,
Looking at those memories we starred,
Looks up to those empty skies,
That still protects our memories in a graveyard…

Times don’t heal.

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Waves of time doesn’t seem so strong to him,
To erase the cravings of her from heat of his.
Repeated burns and gasoline combine inside,
Tears apart soul, even ashes hide.
Afraid to face the truth that she has shown,
Now she’s a stranger whom he had known.
So weak on knees,
He watched her leave,
Couldn’t dare to stop her now,
Coated his feelings inside some stone built heart,
Learned smiling in all life wars.
She couldn’t notice all his love,
His care and respect that he had for her.
Couple fights were stronger than infinite love,
Snatched her away,
He accepts his mistake.
She now smiles, that’s all he wish,
He rests there, with all the memories to kiss.

Parallel world

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Let’s pretend it to be real,
Let’s pretend to walk back in time,
Just sometime,
To some place in parallel world,
Where you are holding my hand,
Where i have the right to call you mine,
Eyes in eyes,
Singing some sweet love rhymes.

A place where you could see,
That you are the shine,
And I am the fire,
Burning bright inside,
When you are apart.
Here I am,
Feeding the fire with my soul,
Lighting up your path,
And I can’t see no you and me,
Which used to be the pride of heart.

Let’s travel to that parallel world,
Where you come by my side,
Whispers love note in my ear,
Your eyes speak million words,
And lips just smile,
Spending hours just being with you,
Still calling it just a second,
Wishing you forever and watching wishes come true.

Let’s go to that place,
Why to stay here?
Pain and hurts cover the heart,
No place to escape.
Would you come and hold my hand,
To this new place,
Or just hold my hand and say,
That you too want to stay.
I still wish that someday,
You’ll be with me….

The walk-Lake of tears

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Was trying to walk on the lake of tears,
Ice cold surface, but burnt cord with fear,
To be swallowed in depth of black,
Of my heart,
Pushing out red,
From the time you came,
Till i will be gone.
Heart will stay,
From dusk to dawn.
It refuses to move ahead,
Why so dumb is he?
The drug of memories are running in veins,
Still,
Why so numb are we?

Crossing under the bridge of love and bliss,
Made of bricks of hope,
Saw you waving me at the edge,
With no fear to fall.
Hoping you to help me out,
To throw me your love rope,
I am freezing here under the darkness,
Don’t burn down this bridge for the warmth,
I can freeze for hours ,
Under this bridge of hope,
Faith exists in some deep corner,
Love still find its way to home,
It’s easy to wait as long as I,
Won’t realize that wave was a goodbye.

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